


Careless now that he has you

by Lizicia



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Snowells, christmas cheer, coda to 4x09, it is canon now I refuse to hear anything else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 12:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12934860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizicia/pseuds/Lizicia
Summary: “You know, what you did was incredibly reckless.”The admonishment in her voice is clear and he pauses for a moment, trying to connect the dots to what she could be referring to. After all, he is always reckless, mostly to a credible extent.“What I did where?”“At Jitters.”He pauses and thinks back to the situation at hand. Nothing really sticks to him. “I don’t think I was any more reckless than usual.”“Harry.” She loses that slight humour and he really listens now. “You went against a metahuman with a gun.”Tag to 4x09.





	Careless now that he has you

**Author's Note:**

> SNOWELLS IS CANON.  
> That is all, tag to 4x09. I just wanted some holiday happiness, obviously happens before Barry's arrest becomes known to them.
> 
> Title from "Ophelia" by Zella Day.

“So that’s where you hid to.”

Caitlin finds him in the kitchen of the West house, and Harry doesn’t quite mind. He smiles and she comes into the room, the merry noises from the party nothing more than fuzzy background noise.

“I’m not hiding. Just…breathing.”

“I know what you mean. I don’t think I can handle another round of Ralph singing Christmas songs. _Badly_.”

He chuckles. “Yes, that was one of the reasons I figured some peace and quiet would be nice.”

“Oh, do you want me to leave?”

“Never.”

He knows it comes out too quick, too instantaneous but he really can’t seem to help himself anymore; the truth wants to come out.

And Caitlin just smiles, that small unique smile she has which has resurfaced recently, for which he is ever so grateful.

It’s  a comfortable silence for a few moments and he gazes at her, looking out of the window.

“You know, what you did was incredibly reckless.”

The admonishment in her voice is clear and he pauses for a moment, trying to connect the dots to what she could be referring to. After all, he is _always_ reckless, though mostly to a credible extent.

“What I did where?”

“At Jitters.”

He pauses and thinks back to the situation at hand. “I don’t think I was any more reckless than usual.”

“Harry.” She loses that slight humour and he really listens now. “You went against a metahuman with a gun.”

 _Ah._ He does remember that. “It is a very good gun.”

“A regular handgun, Harry. It’s not an arm made of metal which you can fling around of your mind’s own volition.”

He shrugs his shoulders and casts his gaze down into his drink. There really is no great explanation to give; it's not like he fully thought out his plan of action when the situation was unfolding.

“I did what had to be done.”

“I could’ve transformed into Killer Frost and prevented all of this. Instead, I ran and hid and left you to fend for yourself.”

There’s a note of clear guilt in her voice and he immediately realizes that this is nothing to be brushed off; nothing she will let him brush off.

“I told you to leave and I stand by that. I wasn’t going to let her do just whatever she wanted with you.”

“So she could instead do what she wanted to _you_? Yeah, and that served you well.”

She comes closer to him, her gaze fixating on his right temple and he knows what she sees there.

“You’ve got a bruise.”

“I’m fine, Caitlin.”

But she keeps looking at him, so earnest, so intense that he feels out of balance, like teetering on the edge of something he’s not quite sure of. It’s what made him be so honest with her at the café, to reveal the truths he’s tried to keep hidden.

"She could've killed you so very easily."

Her voice is quiet, and  that is what makes him risk even more, suddenly, and without really prompting.

“When you were gone, and Barry, we tried to look for both of you in the beginning, through the speed force and the cryokinetic signature.”

“But that would overload the system.”

“Yes, and it did. So, for a while there, we couldn’t find either of you.”

He takes a small step back from her, needing the bit of space she’s still giving him, needing to be clearer with his thoughts, to not overstep. Caitlin, for her part, doesn’t seem to understand, so he realizes that Barry didn’t tell her.

“Iris was trying to save both of you. So I told her that she had to choose, or we would lose both of you.”

“And she chose…me?”

She seems slightly surprised by it, as if she was expecting to be expendable, after all that they’ve been through. At the very least, though, Harry knows that it might have seemed obvious that Iris would choose to go for Barry first.

“Well, we knew you didn’t have control of your powers. Cisco couldn’t even vibe Barry so he seemed unreachable to a much greater extent. You we could find. Amunet we could handle. It seemed like Barry would be at a greater advantage, even if we had no idea where he really was.”

“That sounds very logical. And a very rational plan to propose.”

“Yes, Iris came up with that.”

“But…how could Iris ever not choose Barry?”

He smiles wryly, thinking to their exact argument, the hopelessness he could see in Iris’s eyes when he’d told her to make a decision no one should ever have to make.

“I didn’t tell her to choose either way. She came up with that all by herself. There’s difficult decisions to be made in life all the time. And then there are calls so tough that you can’t bear to face consequences from either. And Iris, to her credit, made the rational decision, not the emotional one. Besides, the choice was really never about which one of you could live - if either Amunet or Devos had wanted you two dead, they could've done it on the spot.”

It's a cruel thing to say out loud, in a way, to reveal that they all knew both Barry and Caitlin served another purpose to their foes but it is the truth. And she seems to appreciate it, judging by the pensive look on her face, and her conclusion of the plan.

“To be honest, I thought it was your plan. The rational mastermind’s execution of two difficult choices.”

It is a perfectly adequate assumption to make, a logical conclusion that he could well let be, let her believe.

And yet.

“I would’ve made the same call, yes, but not for the same reasons.”

Caitlin looks confused. “Okay…?”

There's no hiding from the truth, he realizes. In the end, it catches up and maybe it's time he stop hiding from it.

“I know you see me as the rational one but…I would’ve made the emotional call today. Iris was much stronger than I could’ve been.”

“The emotional call to go after Barry.”

Harry’s not sure if it’s frustrating that she doesn’t understand the double meaning or if it’s for the better that he has to lay it all out there.

He does so, anyways.

“That’s the reason I told you to hide at Jitters. I was being emotional. Rationally, I know you’re the metahuman who can take care of herself. You didn’t have to run. But in that moment, I just wanted to keep you safe. And later, I just wanted to find you.”

Caitlin stares at him now a bit, surprise written all over her face and blinks a few times before shaking her head minutely. “You…were being emotional?”

“I don’t know if this is the time for anything, Caitlin but maybe there is no good time. After the wedding, I thought about how much we could have lost, all of us. And I guess nothing shakes things up like a good brush with mortality. So yes, I was being emotional. About you.”

The expression on her face is unreadable to him now but it doesn’t seem unkind. She steps closer to him and when she’s so close that he can see exactly how many freckles she has on her nose, she lets her fingertips graze his bruised temple, ever so slightly.

And then she slaps him on the shoulder with the other hand, gentle, but firm.

“Don’t you ever try and be the hero like this again, Harry.”

He knows his face falls and he can’t possibly control it but before he can run out of that kitchen, Caitlin’s hand cups his cheek and now he does recognize the expression which has not been cast on him too many times before.

“I don’t need heroes who try and sacrifice themselves for me. I just want someone who'd stay. Really, just _you_.”

And with that, she gently pushes him against the kitchen counter and when she leans forward, he knows to meet her halfway. It’s been a while since he’s kissed someone, and even longer since it was done with real intent and meaning, and none of it is lacking here.

Caitlin kisses him earnestly, with her juxtaposition of softness and passion and it is easy to get carried away in it, to just focus on that sensation and nothing else. It is easy because he knows this has been a long time coming, and it feels like that could be true for both of them.

When the kiss comes to a natural conclusion, he looks above them and chuckles. “Well, we are standing under a mistletoe. Ralph really did think of everything.”

“So this was a traditional holiday kiss under the mistletoe?”

She doesn't pull away from him, though, and he can hear the mischief in her voice, see it in her eyes, and it floods him with affection.

“It could very well become one.”

He doesn’t mean for it to slip, for fear of being too forward, despite what's already been said. But she doesn't seem to mind, only hugging him closer, and for the first time in a long time, there is hope for a beginning, instead of an end.


End file.
